As someone who has spent much of her career studying friendship, I thought I had a handle on what women needed most from their friends. Then I read hundreds of survey responses from women ranging from their 20s to their 70s. I expected their friendship needs to differ across the lifespan, but I was wrong. Their answers were remarkably similar.
Whether they were just starting careers, raising families, caring for aging parents, or navigating retirement, women kept returning to the same themes. They needed support. Understanding. Acceptance. Most of all, they needed friends who would listen without judgment... or advice they didn't ask for.
Reading these responses, I couldn't help but think about how often we confuse helping with fixing. When someone we care about is struggling, our instinct often is to offer advice or solutions. Yet many women weren't asking for answers. They were simply asking to be heard.
What struck me most was that friendship isn't really about solving problems. It's about creating a space where another person feels safe enough to bring her whole self into the conversation.
Life changes. Responsibilities change. Our friendship circles change, too.
Yet beneath all of those changes lies a need that seems remarkably constant. We need friends who will sit beside us, listen to our stories, celebrate our joys, and help carry our burdens when life becomes too heavy. No matter our age, we all need a place where we can be fully ourselves and know that someone will stay.
I'm Suzanne Degges-White, and that's who I want to be as a friend.
