I was recently introduced by a colleague as “an expert on belonging and mattering.” That reminded me of a compliment I’d received from someone who told me I was “always so articulate.”
When I hear things like that, I feel like they’re confusing me with someone else. Compliments have a curious way of shining a spotlight on the gap between how others see us and how we see ourselves. I tend to focus on my missteps and faux pas in life. Like the class activity I thought I’d planned so well, but that flopped so resoundingly. Or the time I unintentionally said the wrong thing to a dear friend. Those memories can haunt us.
We often see our faults more clearly than our strengths. It’s like they have a flashing beacon that draws our attention, while our best qualities just float around on the periphery. Yet it’s our contributions and successes that others often notice first.
When I think of friends and colleagues, I think about their kindness, insight, wisdom, and how they make my life and the world a better place. I deeply value those in my support network and feel honored to be a part of theirs. I laugh off their foibles, offer comfort when they’re berating themselves for a silly mistake, and see past their faults because I appreciate their strengths so much.
Others may recognize our strengths well before we’re ready to claim them – just as we are often so quick to name theirs. The qualities that feel ordinary to us may be the qualities that others value most. Seeing yourself through the eyes of those who love or respect you can be a game changer.
I’m Suzanne Degges-White and that’s my perspective.
