OK. Show of hands. How many people were tortured when younger by having to eat liver and onions? I see quite a crowd. There is only a minuscule number of liver lovers. Of this, I am certain. I conducted an empirical study when I was probably 7 or 8 that proves this beyond a shadow of doubt.
When I was young, liver was considered a healthy thing to eat and especially important for unsuspecting children to muster the will to get it down. My experiment was conducted with my dog, Milton, a discerning English Bulldog.
The only way I could get the bi-weekly punishment down was to drown it in ketchup. I would push the slimy onions aside and just focus on the crux of the matter. After the required drenching I would maybe chew the liver once or twice. Just enough to where I could swallow it down in one big gulp. One night Milton was in his usual spot under the dinner table. He groaned a few times, which meant he would be appreciative for something passed to him under the table. When my parents weren’t looking I gave him a piece of ketchup covered liver. He rolled it around in his mouth and promptly spit it out, landing it on the linoleum. I couldn’t believe it. Even a dog wouldn’t eat it.
I announced this breakthrough news to my parents, “Even Milton won’t eat liver.” My mother just rolled her eyes and said, “Well, you still have to.”
I’m Rosie Klepper and that’s my perspective.
