We’ve all been through an awkward get-to-know-you activity, going around the room answering “ice-breaker” questions like ‘Name one interesting fact about you?’
But teachers can’t rely on just those simple activities. They have to establish real trust with their students. No matter the grade level, they want students to give their best and be willing to show some vulnerability too. And the stakes are high. The teachers we talked to all agree: no relationships = no learning.
Kara Poynter is an agriculture teacher and FFA advisor at Sycamore High School. This is her 21st year as a teacher.
She says one of the first questions she asks her students at the beginning of the year is ‘What do they expect out of their teacher and out of their classmates?’
“If they say they want a classroom that's conducive to learning and they want their peers to be good listeners," she said, "their peers are hearing them say that."
Poynter says when students feel like they’ve had a say in the rules and expectations for the classroom, that makes everyone accountable not only to themselves or their teacher, but to each other.
One of her other strategies is actually about building relationships with parents.
“Within the first nine weeks of school," said Poynter, "I try to email every parent something good that's happened within their child."
She says too often parents only hear from a teacher when something has gone wrong. Their child has failed a test or got in trouble.
“That way, if I ever have to give bad news, they've all heard from me once," she said. "And I think that if you go home and your parents say to you, ‘Hey, Mrs. Poynter sent me a really nice email about you in class today,’ they're going to come back and continue to give me that good behavior."
Poynter acknowledges she has a unique perspective as an ag teacher. She teaches an elective -- something students choose to take. So, they might come into her room with their curiosity piqued. She also can have students multiple times throughout high school. AND she’s the FFA advisor, which allows her even more time to connect with that group of students. They travel to events, conferences and competitions together. She sees those kids more than her own family sometimes.
But it wasn’t always so easy for her.
“I was scared to death 21 years ago," she said. "Now, I love my job and I love building relationships with the kids."
Michael Buckner teaches 4th grade at West Elementary School in Sycamore. At the beginning of the year, he has a special activity involving Band-Aids. He asks his young students to write about the worst injury they’ve ever had.
“Then I'll put the Band-Aid on the same spot for every single kid. A kid might say, ‘I broke my right arm while riding my bike.’ So, I'll put a Band-Aid on their right arm. Then the next kid might say, ‘I bumped my head when I was jumping on a trampoline.’ And then I put the Band-Aid on his right arm too,” he said. “This is an activity where I treat them all the same, when they shouldn't be treated the same. So, this is a way for us to talk about how I might treat this student completely differently than this student, because that's what they need at this very moment.”
Go up a few grades from Buckner’s 4th grade classroom and you’ll find Katherine Katz. She’s a Sycamore Middle School art teacher. Students cycle through her class every quarter. So, every nine weeks, all new students, all new relationships to start cultivating. She has to get to know them quickly AND she needs to invite them to make art and be a little vulnerable.
“We have this huge heart-to-heart conversation regarding art," she said. "'Try something new. Step outside your comfort zone, and then have some fun!'"
Katz has some fun ice-breaker activities to teach her students how to pay attention to the little details and trust each other. She also makes an effort to remember that these are still kids and it’s important to let them play -- especially when they’re expressing themselves with art.
“We're working with kids who are 11 years old,” said Katz. “They're still young! They need that. You want that imaginative world still. [I’m] not afraid to foster that by not forcing them to grow up so fast.”
She says one of the perks of middle school -- which also makes it an especially turbulent time for so many -- is that the kids change a lot over just a few years. From 6th to 7th grade, they can be different people!
“When I think about starting quarter, and I do get those kids over and over," she said, "I look at it as a fresh start for them."
Of course, time and experience in the classroom have changed her perspective too. She’s a mom now. And, over the years, she’s gotten more confident in asking her students tough questions that can seem simple, like “Are you okay?” “Do you need help?”
Back in 4th grade, Buckner also knows that building relationships is delicate work. As hard as it was to build that trust, you can lose it in an instant.
“That foundation can be cracked along the way," he said, "and we were always going to be fixing it."
It’s not just the beginning of the year. They have to show students every day that they care. And these teachers say if they don’t, then no matter how good they might think they are at teaching fractions or phonics, it’ll be hard for students to take anything away but that they didn’t care.
