A couple of weeks ago, I learned that two different colleagues schedule haircuts every three weeks. Not when they think things are getting a little unruly or when a friend gently suggests it might be time. Every 21 days, like clockwork. There's something soothing in the predictability of that routine — an act of steady self‑maintenance in a world that feels so unpredictable.
Another type of self-care that helps us stay grounded is friendship maintenance. In my research, I've found that people are able to meaningfully maintain around three to five close friendships. It's not about exclusion or devotion; it's simply how human connection works. Our emotional bandwidth is limited, and in today's complex world, we can only manage a relatively small circle of friends.
But just like a good haircut, friendships need intentional care and upkeep, too. Not grand gestures and not perfectly timed routines. Just steady reminders that we’re present for one another. A quick message. A shared memory. A few minutes on the phone. These small exchanges keep relationships from growing tangled from neglect.
In times when the news cycles are heavy and it feels the world is unraveling, nurturing even one or two of these connections can remind us that we are not moving through the world alone. Maintaining our friendships isn't about obligation — it's about mattering, to ourselves and to someone else. And you don’t have to wait three weeks to reach out — you can text a friend right now.
I'm Suzanne Degges‑White, and that's my perspective.
Copy Edited by Eryn Lent
