Alyssa Hartline was a student in Beloit College professor Chris Fink's creative writing capstone class this past semester.
I think a day without guilt could cure me. Cure me of what I'm not certain, but something, surely. It's a heavy weight of shoulds and ought tos, and my time would be better used if Is that trips my feet as I try to tug it along.
I should be taking better care of myself. I ought to be exercising daily. My time would be better used if I were spending it with my family instead.
I should be involved in my community more. I should have washed my hair last night. My time would be better used if I worked ahead on that essay. I ought to be more accomplished by now. I should have remembered that homework. I should be doing something else with my life. And that's the larger problem, isn't it?
How can I, or anyone, for that matter, ever know whether we're doing the best we can be doing with the only life that we have? I see all of my options, and I become paralyzed by them all. So instead, I scroll through the posts of people who have better, more successful lives than mine, and nothing ever changes.
I have been thinking lately about how guilt is such a counterproductive thing for me. I feel guilty for wasting my time, but then to escape the overwhelming guilt, I continue to waste more time, I hope that someday I can rid myself of this excess guilt. In the meantime, though, I just keep reminding myself that not doing what I should be doing isn't a moral failure.