We’re somewhere between Mother’s Day and Father’s Day now, two days that stir up a smorgasbord of feelings depending on how childhood was experienced. Not everyone had mothers or fathers they revered. Some were horrible failures who caused harm that still lingers. Some tried their best but missed the mark. And some ticked off all the boxes for good parenting yet haven’t heard from their adult children in years.
Sadly, growing numbers of adult children estrange themselves from parents as the stigma against estrangement and the weight of family ties lessen. Around a quarter of adults admit to having estranged themselves from relatives at some point. When they become parents themselves, estrangement can generate intergenerational suffering through grandparent alienation.
Research I’m conducting explores the terrible pain felt by grandparents alienated from their grandkids. For grandparents who are denied contact with their grandchildren, the realization that they may not see them again before they die is a heartbreaking truth they may be powerless to change.
These grandparents experience a social stigma of their own – without photos to share with friends, funny stories to tell about grandkids’ antics, or planned visits to look forward to, they may avoid social situations where they’d feel left out or too uncomfortable to be honest. This can leave them feeling even more lonely.
So when a family-centric holidays pops up on the calendar, it’s good to be thoughtful of those in the community who should be celebrated but are instead denied and find a way to show them you care.
I’m Suzanne Degges-White and that’s my perspective.
NOTE: You can participate in Suzanne's research survey at https://niu.az1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_7NwEsECUJVtZUyy
