Have you ever felt anger or frustration build up so quickly that actual tears welled up just as fast?
Research shows women cry more often and more easily than men. Reasons include gender norms, differences in emotional intensity, social roles, and situational constraints. Our culture encourages women to “cry it out” but men must “tough it out” instead.
Research suggests our world isn’t primed to see anger in women. So, if anger isn’t a feeling that is okay for women to express, how are they supposed to respond when they do get mad? Tears show up for a lot of women when they are moved to anger. Tears are a culturally appropriate response for women, as research shows women are physiologically “programmed” to cry, not to curse.
When you don’t know how to effectively express a particular emotion, such as anger, finding a way to express the emotional intensity is often found through the physical act of crying. Crying is cathartic and spontaneously occurs when you feel grief, joy, sentimentality, and -- for many women -- righteous indignation and white hot anger.
The saying, “Go ahead and cry it out -- you’ll feel better,” is pretty much true for everyone – even men can feel release and relief after a healthy bout of tears.
Just as women shouldn’t “co-opt” crying, we shouldn’t encourage men to “co-opt” anger, either. We all feel the full range of emotions – let’s make it okay for all of us to express them, too.
I’m Suzanne Degges-White, and that’s my perspective.
