Kathy Bates as Matlock speaks a truth we know well as elderly women. “Well, you see, there’s this funny thing that happens when women age. We become damn near invisible,” she says, before lowering the boom. “Plus, it’s useful,” she continues, “because nobody sees us coming.”.
Sharon Blackie in Hagitude concurs by saying, “Older women, when they’re not rendered completely invisible, are still trivialized and marginalized, and often actively ridiculed.”
Things have shifted from when I was in my twenties and thought nothing of making friends with women older than I who became surrogate mothers, guiding me through difficult situations.
But these days the young men and women I know aren’t seeking my wisdom or friendship. It’s a gut punch. I get it, they are busy with family, with making ends meet, or following their dreams. While I’m unique with no children, other friends my age have lamented how younger friends wandered away. It’s like we have beautiful bouquets of flowers that nobody wants.
Blackie asks, “What would it mean, instead of being an elderly woman, to be an elder woman?” In the folk tales it’s often the old woman who holds the keys to solving the puzzle. I witnessed this as I watched my mother brainstorm new ideas with Del Logan, an Onondaga tribal elder. As a child, I was touched by Del’s kindness, a kindness I remember to this day.
Perhaps instead of thinking little old lady, we need to think elder, who might just guide us through our troubles.
I’m Katie Andraski and that’s my perspective.
