Welcome to Poetically Yours. Poetically Yours showcases poems by northern Illinois poets but this week’s poet is Kellie Joy from Utah.
Joy goes by Phoenix Lilly. She started writing poetry around 12 years old. She said she was an awkward child and poetry gave her a voice. She writes about social issues as well as her own pain. Her husband lives in Afghanistan and he’s also a poet and humanitarian. She said it’s difficult knowing how his life is and being apart is something she can’t summarize, but she'll keep the faith that they'll be together soon. Here is why she writes:
“I’m a poet because my life needs something contained on the page so people can take a little something to feel they are not alone,” Joy said. Here’s her poem “Loves Open Book.”
I was never loved
Just a borrowed book
A marker barely past the first page
And I know I can’t complain
My story wasn’t theirs
And I wasn’t satisfied
And I always wanted something I didn’t truly want
because I didn’t wish to be alone
I didn’t wish to grow
I completely settled for their narrative
Because I gave up on myself
It wasn’t good company
But I hid deeply in the loneliness
Because love is scary right?
I may have to sacrifice and I may have to feel something
I may have to dream big and lose sleep and hope and revise and discover
Hope is dirty exhausting
And loving someone Is scary when you know they have a mind of their own as do you, but you are not even a fraction of yourself without them
Your anatomy tied to a real person, not a fantasy is scary
Love is scary brave
I wasn’t loved on the first page by the wrong person
But I’m understanding I’m loved without a marker
Endlessly
Openly
Loved
