What would you do if you awoke to find a suitcase filled with cash in your living room?
This premise is Andrew Kopecky's response to the WNIJ Flash Fiction prompt, which required an opening sentence describing an outrageous, inexplicable situation.
The prompt was issued by our judge, award-winning author Molly McNett. She ranked Kopecky's story, "A Popload of Cash," in a tie for third place with "The Tragedy of Childcare," by Ben Covey.
Kopecky does outreach work for Northern Illinois University in Rockford, where he lives with his wife, two children, mother-in-law, and pets. He says he enjoys writing fiction but can't bring himself to write in conventional ways; he finds he writes best from his heart and not from his head.
McNett says she found Kopecky's story highly entertaining:
This story is a monologue, and it has a great voice that just begs to be read out loud. I would cast John Belushi or Dan Aykroyd in the part, so I can’t wait to hear what our writer sounds like reading it. It’s funny, and it’s rhythmic, and I think it will speak for itself. Happy listening!
You'll find the full text of the story beneath the video of Kopecky reading for WNIJ. Tomorrow, we'll feature our second-place winner. Listen during Morning Edition at 6:44 and 8:44, and then come back here for another video reading.
A POPLOAD OF CASH
By Andrew Kopecky
Oh man, it’s Tuesday morning, there goes my alarm, here I go with another work day and if I don’t hurry I’m gonna be late again, and where oh where is Friday, like it can’t get here fast enough, I would feel better if it was Friday and only one day left of this rubbish, and hey—what’s this here suitcase doing sittin’ in the middle of my living room? And what’s in it? Well duh, genius, open it and see! Holy baloney, would ya look at that, it’s a popload of money! Not just a popload, it’s a huge load of money, it’s a mountain of money, it’s a blippin’ truckload of cash, wow, wow, and wow! It’s a huge wad of cash, it’s five hundred thousand bucks! I’m really gonna be late for work now ‘cuz I’m gonna count it again! Oh man, that’s a lot of cash, oh man oh man! Don’t have to hurry to work now ‘cuz look at this, I got a load of cash in my house now, a real truckload of cash and, and, there’s no one around, so it’s mine, no one here in the living room, no one in the kitchen, it’s mine! No one I have to give it back to. Wow, now every day is gonna be my day! I won’t have to go to work no more and I’m gonna find myself the best restaurant in town and eat a bowl of caviar every day and drink the best wine, and when my boss calls to see where I am, I just won’t answer my phone, like hey dude, I’m done with you.
But…how did the money get here?
Who left it here?
Why’d they leave it here?
Pull the curtain back. Somethin’ ain’t right here.
There’s a blippin’ Mercedes out there that I ain’t never seen before. Tinted windows. Suitcase in my living room. Ohmeblippinjangles, damn! Say I go outside now, what’s it gonna be? Two big burly guys getting’ out of that Mercedes and askin’ me what I’m doin’ with their suitcase? Like I stole it. What? And then them bustin’ their fists down my mouth, spraying my teeth out my ears and nostrils. Holy tamales, I ain’t dumb, this is a flippin’ test! They’re testin’ me! I don’t need this cash, no way! But I sure would like it. Could pay off my credit cards, fix my car, pay back Mickey. It’s a flippin’ test, and I’m gonna lose my teeth! So no, leave the suitcase there, dude! Don’t touch it! Naw, just take a few bills out, they won’t miss ‘em. No, don’t touch it! Your teeth! Leave it! Go to work, make an honest living! Damn, just leave it there! But I could afford new teeth with this, pay off my debt, pay back Mickey. Grab the suitcase, man! (Leave it!) Run! (Go to work!) I’m flippin’ rich! Pull back the curtain! They’re gone! The car is gone! It’s mine now! I’m rich! But they’re waitin’… somewhere else …
