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An Addict's View Of Pun-ishment

I’m addicted to puns.

I can hardly go an hour without saying something like, “A kitchen blown to bits in France is linoleum blown apart” or “He who collects old candy finds it in mint condition” or “Plumber with fantasies has pipe dreams.”

I like puns because they expose the trickiness of language: that “linoleum blown apart” sounds a lot like “Napoleon Bonaparte” or because “mint condition” can refer to peppermint or cars, and “pipes” can refer both to opium pipes and water pipes.

I sometimes think I like using puns because they are a form of small cruelty. My friends who hear me use them are repelled, but even my most highly educated friends, after they’ve expressed their pain, also laugh a little bit, too. One of my most erudite friends told me once that turtles crossed the road to get to the Shell station.

Besides, Shakespeare used puns, too. After Ophelia had drowned herself, her brother Laertes says he won’t shed tears for her because she’s had “water enough.”

James Joyce defended his use of puns by pointing out that Christ himself had used them. The apostle Peter’s name means rock (as in the English word “petrified”) so when Christ told Peter that he was the rock on which Christ would build his church, Christ was, in effect, saying that he would choose a rock as the rock on which to erect his church.

Well, if Shakespeare and Christ used puns, why can’t I? Meanwhile, I hope I’ve opUned your mind today. Sorry.

This is Tom McBride; that’s my perspective.

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